Falling off the wagon...

I fell off the wagon.  I lost my motivation; my workout mojo.  And it was a tough fight to get it back.  A. Tough. Fight. 

Motivation is an interesting emotion.  It can come and go when it wants to.  It's not something that is easily influenced by moments on the outside.  It happens internally.  And no matter how much you want to feel it, it doesn't always show up. 

I've had some changes in the last 6 months.  I could write for days about everything that's gone on, but instead I'll just mention the three biggest ones:

1.  I stopped working out with Mr. Muscles.  It wasn't an easy decision.  I'd been incredibly successful with him.  But he did something that wasn't good or nice and it broke my trust and confidence and faith in him as a person and as my trainer.  I don't need to go into the details, but it hurt me so much that I decided it was best for me to not work out with him anymore. 

2.  Not being accountable to someone every morning at 4:30am was the wrong decision for me.  I stopped getting up and going to the gym.  Then I didn't go in the evenings.  Then I stopped going all together.  And my motivation was lost.  For a solid 2 months I didn't care if I went or not.  Then for 2 months I tried getting it back and I would make it to the gym maybe once a week, maybe once in a 2 week time period.  I finally have my mojo back.  I'm working out about 4 days a week at Snap Fitness.  I don't have a trainer; I'm trying this on my own.  It's been a long time since I've worked out on my own.  I had Kirk.  Then I had Erin.  Then Mr. Muscles.  We'll see...I might need to find someone new.  But for right now I'm good trying this on my own. 

3.  I didn't lose any weight during my 5 month hiatus.  But I didn't gain any weight in my 5 months either.  That was very important to me.  That means the 60 pounds I've lost?  They really are gone forever.  What a fantastic thing to know. 

I'm disappointed in myself.  I wanted to be MUCH farther along in my weight loss one year after surgery, but I need to remember; everything happens at the right time, for the right reason. 

About 8 months ago I ran across this quote from Elizabeth Taylor and it means more to me now than it did then, because 8 months ago I hadn't experienced this roadblock:

You just do it. You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot before the other, and darn it, you refuse to let it get to you. You fight. You cry. You curse. Then you go about the business of living. That’s how I’ve done it. There’s no other way.

That's what I'm doing.  I'm going to go about the business of losing weight.  I'm going to blog about it so I'm held accountable.  I'm going to focus on my eating.  I'm going to focus on my workouts.  And mostly I'm going to focus on me.