I was supposed to go to the doctor this week. They called last week and rescheduled it. And when I was supposed to go I had a busy work day and couldn't. But I'm not sure I'm going to reschedule. I wasn't going to get a fill. I really just wanted to go so they could weigh me. Sounds a little silly to drive 85 miles round trip to step on the scale. So I think I'll postpone for a few months, or until I need some more help in my weight loss.
So I did go weigh myself this weekend at my part time job. I was very happy with what the scale said. I actually am losing weight again. I guess what it really takes for me is the combo of diet and exercise. Because I can't do it on diet alone.
But I really need to get myself up and go in the mornings again. I'm finding that my evenings are so full of fun activities that I'm struggling to choose a workout over something fun/social each day. Even on the weekends. Tonight I'm celebrating National Picnic Day with friends and tomorrow I'm getting up at 5:00 and going to work out. I might be miserable and have to take a 5 hour energy shot in the afternoon, but it's what I need to do.
Wish me luck! And check on me tomorrow afternoon to make sure I'm not asleep under my desk. :)
Monday, June 18, 2012
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
30 things...
I read an article over a year ago titled 30 things to stop doing to yourself. I haven't read it for a while so I pulled it out this week. It's funny how different numbers speak to me at this point in my life, but a year ago I just flew right over them and their meanings.
1. Stop spending time with the wrong people.
2. Stop running from your problems.
3. Stop lying to yourself.
4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner.
5. Stop trying to be someone you're not.
6. Stop trying to hold onto the past.
7. Stop being scared to make a mistake.
8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes.
9. Stop trying to buy happiness.
10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness.
11. Stop being idle.
12. Stop thinking you're not ready.
13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons.
14. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn't work.
15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else.
16. Stop being jealous of others.
17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself.
18. Stop holding grudges.
19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level.
20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others.
21. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break.
22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments.
23. Stop trying to make things perfect.
24. Stop following the path of least resistance.
25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn't.
26. Stop blaming others for your troubles.
27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone.
28. Stop worrying so much.
29. Stop focusing on what you don't want to happen.
30. Stop being ungrateful.
I'm going to try and focus on each of these in the next few months. I want to focus on my weight loss. I want to forget that I've failed in the past. I want to stop worrying so much about how much I'm losing; how fast I'm losing. And I want to stop comparing myself to other people. This journey is mine exclusively. It is based on the work I put into it, the food I eat and my body.
I will focus on what I do want to happen. I will focus on doing the right things, for me, in the right time, in the right order. And when I stumble, I will read this list again for guidance.
1. Stop spending time with the wrong people.
2. Stop running from your problems.
3. Stop lying to yourself.
4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner.
5. Stop trying to be someone you're not.
6. Stop trying to hold onto the past.
7. Stop being scared to make a mistake.
8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes.
9. Stop trying to buy happiness.
10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness.
11. Stop being idle.
12. Stop thinking you're not ready.
13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons.
14. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn't work.
15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else.
16. Stop being jealous of others.
17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself.
18. Stop holding grudges.
19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level.
20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others.
21. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break.
22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments.
23. Stop trying to make things perfect.
24. Stop following the path of least resistance.
25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn't.
26. Stop blaming others for your troubles.
27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone.
28. Stop worrying so much.
29. Stop focusing on what you don't want to happen.
30. Stop being ungrateful.
I'm going to try and focus on each of these in the next few months. I want to focus on my weight loss. I want to forget that I've failed in the past. I want to stop worrying so much about how much I'm losing; how fast I'm losing. And I want to stop comparing myself to other people. This journey is mine exclusively. It is based on the work I put into it, the food I eat and my body.
I will focus on what I do want to happen. I will focus on doing the right things, for me, in the right time, in the right order. And when I stumble, I will read this list again for guidance.
Friday, June 8, 2012
Legs and thoughts...
I went over to the gym yesterday afternoon to visit with Jack, the owner. I haven't done a leg workout since I left Mr. Muscles in December so I wanted to make sure I knew how to use all the machines properly at Snap before diving right in. I also have some IT band tightness on my left leg that I really need to work out.
Jack gave me the details on the machines. I told him my goal - inner thigh, quads and IT band. He suggested 5 different machines for me, showed me how to use them and wished me luck. :) So last night I got to the gym and did a super hard 45 minute elliptical workout. I just about doubled the distance/speed/intensity that I usually do. Yay me! I did a partial arm workout and then hit the legs.
Holy Moly. I forgot how good a leg workout feels. And I forgot how hard a leg workout can be! And today I'm not dying. So all in all a fantastic workout to be proud of.
When I do cardio I listen to music. I need the speed of the songs to match my pace and I need the words to distract me from the physical exertion. And then I set goals. Like, I'm going to go super fast for the length of this song without slowing down. Advice: don't choose Paradise By The Dashboard Light as one of those goals...especially the 11 minute version! HA!
But when I lift, I don't listen to music. Instead I focus on my breathing and counting reps. And then I think. There aren't that many times in my life that I can just tune it all out and listen to my thoughts.
It's scary, isn't it? To be in your head with no escape? I find I'm having deeper conversations with myself the more I workout. I've never done this before since I've always had a trainer to distract me while lifting.
But I am thinking more about my future; what I want from it. Where I want to be in 1 year, in 5 years, in 10 years. But what I won't do yet is put those goals down on paper. Because what if I don't reach them? Then I've failed.
Is it better to fail at a goal that you set or never set the goal so although you might not fail, you really have no measure of success. I had this discussion with a friend this morning. He brought it up and it took me a little off guard because I was already thinking about this.
Until I decide which is better, I'll just keep working on my internal self as I'm working on my external self; one step at a time...
Jack gave me the details on the machines. I told him my goal - inner thigh, quads and IT band. He suggested 5 different machines for me, showed me how to use them and wished me luck. :) So last night I got to the gym and did a super hard 45 minute elliptical workout. I just about doubled the distance/speed/intensity that I usually do. Yay me! I did a partial arm workout and then hit the legs.
Holy Moly. I forgot how good a leg workout feels. And I forgot how hard a leg workout can be! And today I'm not dying. So all in all a fantastic workout to be proud of.
When I do cardio I listen to music. I need the speed of the songs to match my pace and I need the words to distract me from the physical exertion. And then I set goals. Like, I'm going to go super fast for the length of this song without slowing down. Advice: don't choose Paradise By The Dashboard Light as one of those goals...especially the 11 minute version! HA!
But when I lift, I don't listen to music. Instead I focus on my breathing and counting reps. And then I think. There aren't that many times in my life that I can just tune it all out and listen to my thoughts.
It's scary, isn't it? To be in your head with no escape? I find I'm having deeper conversations with myself the more I workout. I've never done this before since I've always had a trainer to distract me while lifting.
But I am thinking more about my future; what I want from it. Where I want to be in 1 year, in 5 years, in 10 years. But what I won't do yet is put those goals down on paper. Because what if I don't reach them? Then I've failed.
Is it better to fail at a goal that you set or never set the goal so although you might not fail, you really have no measure of success. I had this discussion with a friend this morning. He brought it up and it took me a little off guard because I was already thinking about this.
Until I decide which is better, I'll just keep working on my internal self as I'm working on my external self; one step at a time...
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Losing Weight...
I'm losing weight again. How much? I don't know. And I'm not going to look. But I know I'm losing weight because I wore a skirt yesterday that I couldn't wear a month ago.
I hate the scale. But I love the scale. Don't we all feel that way? What a fantastic day when we show a great loss after working our tushes off, and what a miserable day when we don't show a loss and we've been working our tushes off. I don't want to be ruled by something like that anymore. I'm already ruled by my blackberry...I don't need another gadget taking charge.
I have an appointment with Dr. Hoehn in two weeks to check on my status since my last fill. I think I'll leave my band where it is and not have him make any changes for a few months. I have some pretty tight restriction. I have some difficulty with some foods but I'm still doing well. And I like it. It's a good spot to be in.
So at that appointment, they'll weigh me. And then that's it. I won't weigh again until it's necessary. And really, when is it necessary? Oh, I guess when I set a goal and want to see if I make it. Hmmm...that's simple. None of my goals will be numbers based.
What should my next goal be? Wow...what a hard thing to decide if it's not a number. (I'm sitting here strumming my fingers on the keyboard while trying to come up with something, but my mind is blank.)
Everything I come up is a fitness goal or a motivational goal. But then I finally came up with one - the other way to really measure weight loss is by inches. So my new goal - to lose 2 inches off my hips. I've never really been into those numbers so I have no idea how long that will take me to do, but after my doctor appointment in 2 weeks, I'm not going to weigh myself until I lose 2 inches off my hips.
No weighing...only measuring. We'll see how long this lasts. :)
I hate the scale. But I love the scale. Don't we all feel that way? What a fantastic day when we show a great loss after working our tushes off, and what a miserable day when we don't show a loss and we've been working our tushes off. I don't want to be ruled by something like that anymore. I'm already ruled by my blackberry...I don't need another gadget taking charge.
I have an appointment with Dr. Hoehn in two weeks to check on my status since my last fill. I think I'll leave my band where it is and not have him make any changes for a few months. I have some pretty tight restriction. I have some difficulty with some foods but I'm still doing well. And I like it. It's a good spot to be in.
So at that appointment, they'll weigh me. And then that's it. I won't weigh again until it's necessary. And really, when is it necessary? Oh, I guess when I set a goal and want to see if I make it. Hmmm...that's simple. None of my goals will be numbers based.
What should my next goal be? Wow...what a hard thing to decide if it's not a number. (I'm sitting here strumming my fingers on the keyboard while trying to come up with something, but my mind is blank.)
Everything I come up is a fitness goal or a motivational goal. But then I finally came up with one - the other way to really measure weight loss is by inches. So my new goal - to lose 2 inches off my hips. I've never really been into those numbers so I have no idea how long that will take me to do, but after my doctor appointment in 2 weeks, I'm not going to weigh myself until I lose 2 inches off my hips.
No weighing...only measuring. We'll see how long this lasts. :)
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Sharing...
It's hard to share with people that I've had lap band surgery because weight is so personal. The majority of people struggle with it, no one really wants to talk about it, yet it's the most obvious thing about you. Everyone can see a weight struggle. For those people who have never had a weight issue, they don't get it. Because it's different than anything else in the world.
Think about something that you deal with privately. Maybe you drink too much after work. Maybe you watch too much porn. Maybe you hate doing something that everyone thinks you're so good at. Whatever it is that you struggle with on a daily basis, you get to keep it private. You can deal with it how you want to, on your own terms. That's not how it is for someone with weight struggles.
Everyone sees it. They see it when I walk into QuikTrip for my morning drink. They see it when I am laughing at a ball game with friends. They see it when I'm on the elliptical at the gym. I can't get away from it. Because my struggle is SO public, I don't get the chance to fight it in my own way.
I'm a pretty active person. I can keep up. I have perfect blood pressure. I do a great job of regulating my blood sugar for a diabetic and I have really good cardiovascular fitness. Compare me to a 34 year old who never works out, doesn't worry about her weight and eats crap food all the time and I'm healthier. But no one sees that, because I am large and she is small.
In the last few months I've had new people come into my life. And I want to share this with them; I recognize I have a weight issue and I'm trying to fix it. But how do I acknowledge the elephant in the room (no pun intended) without being so ashamed? With my circle of friends, I'm not ashamed. And I'm not ashamed because they accept me for who I am and will love me if I'm a size 24 or a size 4. But the media, the public, strangers...they don't love me for who I am. I am a book who's cover they judge.
A weight loss journey isn't as simple as losing pounds. There is so much more that goes into it. As I have started losing after my 4 month plateau, it's becoming clearer that I need to work on myself internally as much as externally. The first 6 months of this blog were all about the pounds. The next 6 months won't focus on the pounds nearly as much.
I bought myself a two new rings this weekend and am wearing them every day, together, to remind me that I'm not alone in this journey. I have God and the love of my friends and family on my side. And that is a winning combination!
Think about something that you deal with privately. Maybe you drink too much after work. Maybe you watch too much porn. Maybe you hate doing something that everyone thinks you're so good at. Whatever it is that you struggle with on a daily basis, you get to keep it private. You can deal with it how you want to, on your own terms. That's not how it is for someone with weight struggles.
Everyone sees it. They see it when I walk into QuikTrip for my morning drink. They see it when I am laughing at a ball game with friends. They see it when I'm on the elliptical at the gym. I can't get away from it. Because my struggle is SO public, I don't get the chance to fight it in my own way.
I'm a pretty active person. I can keep up. I have perfect blood pressure. I do a great job of regulating my blood sugar for a diabetic and I have really good cardiovascular fitness. Compare me to a 34 year old who never works out, doesn't worry about her weight and eats crap food all the time and I'm healthier. But no one sees that, because I am large and she is small.
In the last few months I've had new people come into my life. And I want to share this with them; I recognize I have a weight issue and I'm trying to fix it. But how do I acknowledge the elephant in the room (no pun intended) without being so ashamed? With my circle of friends, I'm not ashamed. And I'm not ashamed because they accept me for who I am and will love me if I'm a size 24 or a size 4. But the media, the public, strangers...they don't love me for who I am. I am a book who's cover they judge.
A weight loss journey isn't as simple as losing pounds. There is so much more that goes into it. As I have started losing after my 4 month plateau, it's becoming clearer that I need to work on myself internally as much as externally. The first 6 months of this blog were all about the pounds. The next 6 months won't focus on the pounds nearly as much.
I bought myself a two new rings this weekend and am wearing them every day, together, to remind me that I'm not alone in this journey. I have God and the love of my friends and family on my side. And that is a winning combination!
Monday, June 4, 2012
Falling off the wagon...
I fell off the wagon. I lost my motivation; my workout mojo. And it was a tough fight to get it back. A. Tough. Fight.
Motivation is an interesting emotion. It can come and go when it wants to. It's not something that is easily influenced by moments on the outside. It happens internally. And no matter how much you want to feel it, it doesn't always show up.
I've had some changes in the last 6 months. I could write for days about everything that's gone on, but instead I'll just mention the three biggest ones:
1. I stopped working out with Mr. Muscles. It wasn't an easy decision. I'd been incredibly successful with him. But he did something that wasn't good or nice and it broke my trust and confidence and faith in him as a person and as my trainer. I don't need to go into the details, but it hurt me so much that I decided it was best for me to not work out with him anymore.
2. Not being accountable to someone every morning at 4:30am was the wrong decision for me. I stopped getting up and going to the gym. Then I didn't go in the evenings. Then I stopped going all together. And my motivation was lost. For a solid 2 months I didn't care if I went or not. Then for 2 months I tried getting it back and I would make it to the gym maybe once a week, maybe once in a 2 week time period. I finally have my mojo back. I'm working out about 4 days a week at Snap Fitness. I don't have a trainer; I'm trying this on my own. It's been a long time since I've worked out on my own. I had Kirk. Then I had Erin. Then Mr. Muscles. We'll see...I might need to find someone new. But for right now I'm good trying this on my own.
3. I didn't lose any weight during my 5 month hiatus. But I didn't gain any weight in my 5 months either. That was very important to me. That means the 60 pounds I've lost? They really are gone forever. What a fantastic thing to know.
I'm disappointed in myself. I wanted to be MUCH farther along in my weight loss one year after surgery, but I need to remember; everything happens at the right time, for the right reason.
About 8 months ago I ran across this quote from Elizabeth Taylor and it means more to me now than it did then, because 8 months ago I hadn't experienced this roadblock:
You just do it. You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot before the other, and darn it, you refuse to let it get to you. You fight. You cry. You curse. Then you go about the business of living. That’s how I’ve done it. There’s no other way.
That's what I'm doing. I'm going to go about the business of losing weight. I'm going to blog about it so I'm held accountable. I'm going to focus on my eating. I'm going to focus on my workouts. And mostly I'm going to focus on me.
Motivation is an interesting emotion. It can come and go when it wants to. It's not something that is easily influenced by moments on the outside. It happens internally. And no matter how much you want to feel it, it doesn't always show up.
I've had some changes in the last 6 months. I could write for days about everything that's gone on, but instead I'll just mention the three biggest ones:
1. I stopped working out with Mr. Muscles. It wasn't an easy decision. I'd been incredibly successful with him. But he did something that wasn't good or nice and it broke my trust and confidence and faith in him as a person and as my trainer. I don't need to go into the details, but it hurt me so much that I decided it was best for me to not work out with him anymore.
2. Not being accountable to someone every morning at 4:30am was the wrong decision for me. I stopped getting up and going to the gym. Then I didn't go in the evenings. Then I stopped going all together. And my motivation was lost. For a solid 2 months I didn't care if I went or not. Then for 2 months I tried getting it back and I would make it to the gym maybe once a week, maybe once in a 2 week time period. I finally have my mojo back. I'm working out about 4 days a week at Snap Fitness. I don't have a trainer; I'm trying this on my own. It's been a long time since I've worked out on my own. I had Kirk. Then I had Erin. Then Mr. Muscles. We'll see...I might need to find someone new. But for right now I'm good trying this on my own.
3. I didn't lose any weight during my 5 month hiatus. But I didn't gain any weight in my 5 months either. That was very important to me. That means the 60 pounds I've lost? They really are gone forever. What a fantastic thing to know.
I'm disappointed in myself. I wanted to be MUCH farther along in my weight loss one year after surgery, but I need to remember; everything happens at the right time, for the right reason.
About 8 months ago I ran across this quote from Elizabeth Taylor and it means more to me now than it did then, because 8 months ago I hadn't experienced this roadblock:
You just do it. You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot before the other, and darn it, you refuse to let it get to you. You fight. You cry. You curse. Then you go about the business of living. That’s how I’ve done it. There’s no other way.
That's what I'm doing. I'm going to go about the business of losing weight. I'm going to blog about it so I'm held accountable. I'm going to focus on my eating. I'm going to focus on my workouts. And mostly I'm going to focus on me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)