Sharing...

It's hard to share with people that I've had lap band surgery because weight is so personal.  The majority of people struggle with it, no one really wants to talk about it, yet it's the most obvious thing about you.  Everyone can see a weight struggle.  For those people who have never had a weight issue, they don't get it.  Because it's different than anything else in the world. 

Think about something that you deal with privately.  Maybe you drink too much after work.  Maybe you watch too much porn.  Maybe you hate doing something that everyone thinks you're so good at.  Whatever it is that you struggle with on a daily basis, you get to keep it private.  You can deal with it how you want to, on your own terms.  That's not how it is for someone with weight struggles. 

Everyone sees it.  They see it when I walk into QuikTrip for my morning drink.  They see it when I am laughing at a ball game with friends.  They see it when I'm on the elliptical at the gym.  I can't get away from it.  Because my struggle is SO public, I don't get the chance to fight it in my own way. 

I'm a pretty active person.  I can keep up.  I have perfect blood pressure.  I do a great job of regulating my blood sugar for a diabetic and I have really good cardiovascular fitness.  Compare me to a 34 year old who never works out, doesn't worry about her weight and eats crap food all the time and I'm healthier.  But no one sees that, because I am large and she is small. 

In the last few months I've had new people come into my life.  And I want to share this with them; I recognize I have a weight issue and I'm trying to fix it.  But how do I acknowledge the elephant in the room (no pun intended) without being so ashamed?  With my circle of friends, I'm not ashamed.  And I'm not ashamed because they accept me for who I am and will love me if I'm a size 24 or a size 4.  But the media, the public, strangers...they don't love me for who I am.  I am a book who's cover they judge. 

A weight loss journey isn't as simple as losing pounds.  There is so much more that goes into it.  As I have started losing after my 4 month plateau, it's becoming clearer that I need to work on myself internally as much as externally.  The first 6 months of this blog were all about the pounds.  The next 6 months won't focus on the pounds nearly as much. 

I bought myself a two new rings this weekend and am wearing them every day, together, to remind me that I'm not alone in this journey.  I have God and the love of my friends and family on my side.  And that is a winning combination!